ALVISO, CA. May 20 – Expanding on TiVo recording technology that allows users to skip TV commercials, CEO Michael Ramsay today introduced new software called ScrapCrap tm that extends TiVo technology to politics, news, music, movies, and beyond. “Skip all the dialogue in a movie like Showgirls, leaving only a sequence of naked women,” Ramsey told gathered analysts and reporters, “or skip everything except the explosions and death scenes in a movie like Independence Day.” Ramsey said enhanced ScrapCrap version 0.1 allows viewers to “instantly and entirely” erase any new movie directed or written by Woody Allen.

On the political front, Ramsay said users could set ScrapCrap to skip entire speeches by president George Bush, or simply delete the president’s inexplicably extended pronunciation of the letter “s” in any given sentence. The TiVo CEO added that music fans would pay premium rates to block new “poems” by Jewel, while financial executives could use ScrapCrap to block the behind-the-trend tethered “analysis” that has become a staple of business news outlets like CNBC.

Speculating on the ultimate potential of the new technology, Ramsay said users could program ScrapCrap to skip obsequious celebrity panderers like Larry King, oleaginous Las Vegas peddlers like Wayne Newton, and semi-conscious harmonizers cobbled perennially into “boy” and “girl” bands.

Ramsay plans to expand into print, introducing ScrapCrap II as soon as next year to filter all content from magazines like People and Glamour and to delete predictable passages - which is to say all of them - from books by Joan Collins and New York Times columns by Paul Krugman.

Insisting his ultimate goal is not profit but “a social utopia of clarity and integrity” Ramsay said plans are already underway to design ScrapCrap XL that could one day block ‘We Report You (Angry White People) Decide’ Fox News in its entirely, and eliminate other national educational obstacles like the National Education Association.

“ScrapCrap promises infinite and indefinite use,” Ramsay concluded. “Future generations will no doubt develop it to the point where users can skip life itself, or at least delete the most annoying parts of it.”