Thanksgimme for Consumermas
TIMES SQUARE, December 25 – “The day is here and now we see if Santa cares enough to bring us more money.” Those words raced across the Times Square news ticker today, greeting pilgrims gathered for spiritual guidence and insight into what one called the "season's meanings." “To me Christmas is God’s chance to prove what he’s got,” said one pilgrim as another chimed in, “Does he care enough to give us what we want?”

Amid a recent spike in unemployment and troubling economic signals these pilgrims were especially eager for signs God loves his creation. One pilgrim describing himself as "somewhat anxious," listed The Clapper, the Singing Bird Clock, and Chicken Dance Elmo as examples where God "gets it," but added, "If he can't do a little better this time, I'm kicking down that nativity set I bought for good luck."

The gathering included people from around the country including New York. “People think we’re lucky,” said one well dressed young woman with rings on her fingers and tension in her eyes, “but that ‘luck’ costs a bundle,” she stressed hooking her index fingers by her ears to indicate quotation marks, “and if Santa is real, if God is worth a damn, they’ll see that and get together to help us out.”

Pilgrims dismissed arguments that many around the world live in comparatively worse conditions than those inflicted by even the most severe domestic economic downturns. “Those people are used to it. It’s far worse for us. We have needs. If God can’t understand that we need a new one.”

Organizers took a more neutral stance, calling the gathering an exercise in grassroots democracy - a chance for the religious and the secular to take their respective arguments over the meaning of Christmas directly to the people. “I see a lot of anger. These people want answers. And I'll give you a for instance: Many here are sick of hearing their SUVs are wrecking the country.”

Pointing to the large group huddled beneath the giant Times Square NASDAQ sign, clutching their coats against the cold, one organizer summarized the difference. “What you got here is the ‘Happy Holidays’ people vs. the ‘Merry Christmas’ crowd. They both look upward for salvation. The question is, who looks beyond that NASDAQ sign?”

Not many, if recent news reports are any guide. The Friday following U.S. Thanksgiving, the traditional U.S. kickoff to the season’s shopping spree, included the following reports:

• In Omaha, Nebraska hundreds of early morning shoppers rushed a local furniture store as it opened, knocking 52 year-old Diana McKeever to ground.

• In Greendale, Wisconsin 46 year-old Doreen Schellhase and her family wore Santa hats and carried two-way radios to beat competing shoppers in storming a local department store as it opened at 7am.

• In Honolulu, Hawaii 42 year-old Marvin Takar described the mall where he was shopping that same morning as it swarmed with bargain hunters. “It’s a madhouse.”

Upon hearing the various news accounts, one Times Square pilgrim identifying himself as someone who “grew up Catholic” said, “No question that sort of stuff would make Jesus sick, but frankly what the h_ _ _ would he know about the kind of stress we’re all under these days?” A nearby pilgrim who overheard the remark added, “Look, Christ had his rules. We have ours. It’s different now. Anyway, this is our day not his.”
Yours Truly,
Xandor
Copy Boy In-Chief