HOLLYWOOD, August – Amid news that VH1 plans to launch a new series called “Behind the Money – The CEO Story,” rival HBO unveiled plans today for a reality TV series, “It’s Not Legal. It’s CEO” tracing the daily lives of corporate chief executive officers. “We’ll follow chiefs from Martha Stewart to Bernie Ebbers, from the golf-club to the bail-hearing” announced HBO chief executive Chris Albrecht before U.S. Marshals abruptly handcuffed him on federal charges of besmirching Italian-Americans, gay undertakers, and neurotic NewYork women.

Cameras tracked the stunned Albrecht all the way to the special executive holding cage Marshals have set up on an atoll off Guantanamo Bay. “We can’t mix these white-collar types with ordinary criminals,” said one Marshal. “CEOs would set a terrible example to regular prisoners who just want to pay their debt to society.”

Senior HBO executives standing up to carry on the news conference following Mr. Albrecht’s forced departure were directed through metal-detectors before taking the podium. Security teams confiscated silver-wear from the pockets of one executive who triggered the detectors and hustled another executive from the room when he tried to steal a guard’s badge.

HBO Executive Vice President of Affiliate Operations Jerry Flavin submitted to a lie-detector test before security teams allowed him to speak. Wiping beads of sweat from his brow and eyeing the exits warily, Flavin expanded on the reality TV schedule showing a series of video highlights promoting upcoming CEO segments:

• Jack Be Quick – Wearing an ill-fitting duck-hunting cap sporting a faded photo of former Harvard Business Review editor Suzy Wetlaufer, former General Electric CEO Jack Welch curses as he juggles a flashlight in one hand and fishing net in the other while trying to paddle a glass-bottom boat along the Hudson River in the dark of night searching for “those damn PCBs” he hopes to sell to “some third-world country that appreciates ‘em ... Suzy'd like that.”

Leave It To Bernie - With "Jail to the Chief" blasting from the tape deck, ousted WorldCom CEO Bernard Ebbers leads police on a high-speed interstate chase back to his native Alberta while using a cell phone to remind relatives to list all their back-to-school clothing charges as "capital expenditures."

•Jive Jabberin’ Jeff – Sporting his archetypically uncontrollable giggle and inexplicable smile, Amazon.com CEO Jeff Bezos tells senior executives about the new pageless, wordless, authorless “Air Book.” Describing the product’s profit potential, Bezos admonishes his staff “to stop obsessing over real things” and focus more on “marketable concepts.”

• AWOL at AOL - Newly minted AOL CEO Jonathan Miller dictates a memo describing plans to streamline AOL into a small suburban garage in Northern Virginia. “A telephone, a TV set, and a big sign reading Most Powerful Media Machine in History – that’s our future,” says Miller before pulling a ski mask over his face and a gun from his pocket. “…That and a few bank robberies.”

• Drivin’ Mr. Pittman – At the garage next door, ousted AOL COO Robert Pittman curses as he parks cars and polishes hood ornaments, muttering “I should just quit and date homicidal yuppies who try to climb Everest, or at least find out where Suzy Wetlaufer landed.”

• Never Mind The Numbers – Guzzling smuggled martinis in an SEC holding-pen, Arthur Andersen executives read aloud from a rulebook on Olympic figure skating while stumbling to play an accounting version of Twister.

• Perp’ Walkin’ Pappy - The offspring of Ken Lay and other erstwhile senior Enron executives gather to watch profiles of their fathers featured on a special edition of America’s Most Wanted.

• Everybody Loves Xandor – Wearing a sun-visor and Cote d’Azur thong while reclining on the porch of his renovated office trailer, ScreedMe CEO Xandor nestles against the ample bosom of “Executive Assistant” Anna Nicole-Smith who strokes him gently as he barks into the phone threatening to “crush that god-damned Onion unless it stops stealing our stuff.”

• R&R with T&R - Dressed in Aussie outback fatigues, News Corp. CEO Rupert Murdoch plays one-on-one paint-ball with former CNN chief Ted Turner dressed as a Civil-War confederate general. After a prolonged machine-gun exchange coats both in gallons of paint, Turner screams, “Hey – I say you’re dead, ya’ fuckin’ cheater.”

• Winking at Wall Street - In a crowded boardroom decorated with mulch mules and multiple wall panels reading “No One Told Me Anything,” Martha Stewart wears a florid summer-smock sewn from K-Mart and ImClone stock-options as she slams her fist bellowing, “… and I’m telling you I want the futures exchange to start listing my organically grown dung pigeons!”