GREETINGS MY FELLOW AMERICANS ...
 
AMID ALLEGATIONS I LIED ABOUT IRAQ AND WARNINGS THAT MY TAX CUT WILL RUIN THE ECONOMY, I AM HERE TO REPORT TO YOU … ON HOW I SPENT MY SUMMER VACATION
 
… AND SAVED AMERICA.  
 
LIKE LAST YEAR, I SET UP MY SUMMER WHITE HOUSE IN CRAWFORD TEXAS. 100 DEGREES IN THE SHADE - NOTHING TO DO FOR MILES … WHERE ELSE WOULD A SMART MAN PICK FOR A VACATION HOME?
 
LIKE LAST YEAR I ALSO DECIDED TO SPEND A FEW DAYS VISITING MY DAD AT HIS SUMMER HOME IN KENNEBUNKPORT MAINE.
 
MAINE CALLS ITSELF “VACATIONLAND.” CRAWFORD CALLS ITSELF … A TOWN IN TEXAS.
 
I CALL THAT COMPARISON - A POEM.
 
“MAINE GROWS BLUEBERRIES AND BAKES THEM INTO PIE/ CRAWFORD SELLS LARD AND LET’S ME LICK THE DEEP FRY.
 
MAINE CLEARS THE MIND – WITH ITS COAST OF LOBSTER TRAPS/ CRAWFORD’S IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND – NO MATTER HOW WELL YOU READ THOSE FANCY MAPS.
 
CRAWFORD IS DEAD AT THE END OF THE DAY/ BUT IN MAINE I CAN STAY UP LATE WHILE DAD TELLS ME HOW HE RAN THE CIA.”
 
I ALWAYS LEARN A LOT IN MAINE.
 
DURING THIS TRIP I LEARNED A LOT ABOUT CANADA – I LEARNED IT’S CLOSE BY.
 
I ALSO LEARNED THAT WHILE MAINE FIGHTS THE TERROR, CANADA FREES THE HOMOSEXUALS.
 
BRITISH INTELLIGENCE TAUGHT ME THAT AL QADA ACTUALLY TRANSLATES INTO “HOMOSEXUAL TERROR” IN FRENCH CANADIAN.
 
SO I DECIDED TO BOMB QUEBEC – WHICH I LEARNED IS JUST AS CLOSE AS CANADA.
 
IT’S THE NEXT LOGICAL STEP IN THE WAR ON TERROR - A CRISIS IN OUR NATION’S HISTORY.
 
CRISIS MEANS DISTRACTION. AND I LEARNED THAT MEANS YOU CAN CHANGE THINGS WHILE NO ONE’S LOOKING. 
 
SO, IN THE NAME OF NATIONAL SECURITY I'VE CHANGED OUR PLEDGE OF ALLEGIENCE: …

 “I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG – OF HALLIBURTON. AND TO THE CONTRACTS FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE KICK-BACK UNDER DICK CHENEY, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE TOWARD ALL WHO AGREE.”
 
THAT’S HOW I SPENT MY VACATION, SAVED AMERICA, AND LEARNED TO ACT FAST BEFORE PEOPLE START ASKING QUESTIONS ... I THINK IT WORKED.
 
GOOD NIGHT, AND MAY GOD BLESS AMERICA.