"Sometimes nothing can be a real cool hand"
Paul Newman as Luke in the movie Cool Hand Luke

"Ahianen lashay yany shay azem"
Saddam Hussein upon capture by U.S. forces

Tikrit, December 20 – Upon his discovery in an 8-foot deep farmhouse hole, Saddam Hussein greeted U.S. soldiers by saying, "Ahianen lashay yany shay azem," according to soldiers particiapting in the capture. The words translate into “Sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand,” a line made memorable by Paul Newman in the 1967 movie Cool Hand Luke.

U.S. interrogators questioning Saddam report he was carrying a diary at the time of his capture that shows the former dictator spent much of the last decade replaying smuggled versions of the movie where Newman stars as a chain-gang prisoner who repeatedly outwits his infinitely more powerful guards. Saddam told his captors that he had studied Luke for strategic tips.

In the movie, Luke plays his weaker hand with such success that the prison camp warden finally explodes in exasperation. “What we have here is a failure to communicate!” Saddam's diary records that the line was among his favorites. According to numerous entrees, he watched that segment of the movie after lunch each day, taking notes and mimicking the dialogue in a mirror before doubling over, sometimes choking in nearly unstoppable laughter.

Among other scenes Saddam liked most according to the diary, is the prison yard fight where giant Cajun inmate Dragline, played by lumbering George Kennedy, hammers at will against the helpless Luke. While Luke has no chance he refuses to quit, hanging on until Dragline finally gives up, embarrassed by the spectacle of the one-sided pummeling. Barely standing, Luke then lamely slaps his outsized foe, technically winning the fight by landing the final punch. Later in the movie, Dragline reminisces about their one-sided prison-yard pummeling. “Dat’ ol Luke, he beat me wid’ a whole lot o’ nothin’." Luke's retort: “Yeah well, sometimes nothin’ is a real cool hand.”

Saddam told captors he distributed pirate dubs of the movie to his generals, ordering them to study it in detail. Failing a Cool Hand Luke pop-quiz, according to the deposed dictator, could mean a swim with the fishes in the Shatt-al Arab.

Saddam proudly showed captors official letterhead reading, "mumkan akol khamseen bayda," or "I can eat 50 eggs." In the movie, the line was a challenge by Luke to other prisoners. In Baghdad, the line was code for the centerpiece of Saddam’s military approach to the United States."Hit me with 50 cruise missiles and I’ll slam Jerusalem with the Scuds hidden in my donkey barn."

On weekends, according to his diary, Saddam liked to relax in a special sweatshirt imprinted with the words, "Shakin’ It Here Boss, I’m Shaking It Here." In the movie, guards require their chain-gang road crews to shake bushes and repeat that line whenever they break to relieve themselves. Luke obliges as his taciturn senior guard observes through mirrored aviator glasses. But the remark always foreshadows another successful escape, leaving Luke’s hapless overseers to do little more than glower.

Saddam’s diary points out that Luke always does what his guards ask but only to further what he wants. The deposed dictactor highlighted this observation in recording why he agreed to unconditional United Nations weapons inspections in 2002 only to then begin discussing conditions. In margins beside referrences to the inspections Saddam had scribbled, "Shakin’ it here boss" and drawn a smiley face.

The diary is full of drawings. Flipping through a series of diary pages reveals a moving cartoon that shows Saddam speeding off in a stolen chain-gang dump truck. (Rent the movie if you need referrence to this classic scene) By the roadside, George Bush and Tony Blair fume while Gerhard Schroder, Jacques Chirac, and Vladmir Putin double over in guffaws then slap each other five. If you keep flipping, Saddam whips passed them, appearing to cackle while tossing a cigarette butt from the window.

“Dat’ ol Luke, he beat me wid’ a whole lot o’ nothin’." Surrounded by interrogators, Saddam grinned as he mimicked Dragline. Breaking into a wide smile he then told his captors to substitute ‘Luke’ for ‘Saddam’ and ‘Dragline’ for‘George W.’ to see how the old movie had become recent reality. Asked if he had ever seen Cool Hand Luke's end, Saddam grumbled, “Someone must have lost that part.” Then his face lit up. “Do you know it? Will you show me?”