Hey Dummy - Look At Me
Pyongyang,
March 7 – At
a news conference that foreign policy officials described as “alarming” North
Korean officials today unveiled the nuclear device nick-named “Big
Mr. Park,” and announced they now have a launching device allowing
them to explode the device in the heart of Honolulu at noon on April
1st. “This no April Fool joke either” barked Sing Me A He
He the truculent Minister of Bizarre And Fiery Thoughts as he demanded
a “little respect from Uncle Sam.” Startling gathered reporters by repeatedly slamming the nuclear device against his lectern, minister A He He screamed, “Everybody talk about Saddam. He got this. He got that. Well I got this buster, and I’m going to let it blow unless someone stops me.”
Reached for further comment, senior North Korean officials within the Dear Leader Kim Jong Il Department of Medieval Absurdity said they want an attack by U.S. forces, or at least a series of menacing naval exercises along the Korea Bay coast to demonstrate the “world takes us serious.”
Privately,
North Korean officials call this latest attempt to trigger a U.S.
attack part of a long-term plan. “We say things almost every
week that would get us flattened like a grape if we were some oil
spouting country in the Middle-East,” complained one official. “But
nothing. So now we just think, OK let’s just bomb Hawaii. I
don’t know, maybe Tokyo too. Maybe that will get us some attention.
If not, at least it keeps us busy.”
In
Washington, news of the pending nuclear attack drew sighs of exasperation
from administration officials. “Frankly the North Koreans are
plain annoying,” said one high-ranking State Department officer. “Here
we are trying to find weapons of mass destruction that we can’t
find in Iraq, and Pyongyang decides to drop one right on our heads.
It’s just really ugly timing.”The White House announced it would “consider” North Korea’s latest demand. White House spokesman Ari Fleischer called the threat “serious, and something we must examine very carefully.” Asked for comment from President Bush on the coming nuclear attack, Fleischer said the president is busy solving “the protracted and deadly crisis with Iraq” and that, “he can’t take time out of his day to respond to every twist and turn North Korea tosses our way.”
Informed
of the U.S. reaction, minister He He is described by North Korean
officials as shrieking out loud and pulling a huge clump of hair
from his head before rushing across his office to unlock Big Mr.
Park from its special Louis Vuitton carrying-case. Waving the device
above his head, the minister shouted. “OK that’s it then.
I’ve had it. I let this baby blow tomorrow.”Of this latest threat upgrade, President Bush is said to “be watching the situation closely.”
Xandor
Copy Boy In-Chief
