Code Courtney

Media e-Lert:
Reporting What The Mainstream Won’t




The Report: The New York Post, July 10 -

Handcuffing her to a stretcher, police removed rock star Courtney Love from her New York apartment Friday amid reports Love had thrown beer bottles to the street below, crying she’d had an abortion.

The Reality:

It turns out Love was reacting to Whoopi Goldberg. At the Kerry-Edwards fund raiser in New York City the previous night, Goldberg had compared her genitalia to President Bush. Love called the remark "offensive," yelling at Paramedics that Goldberg had "totally disrespected the office of the presidency."

The Report: The New York Times, July 8 -

"We lack precise knowledge about time, place and method of attack,” said Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge, warning that an attack planned for sometime later this year could "disrupt our democratic process.”

The Reality:
It turns out Ridge was reacting to Courtney Love. He worries that a Love melt down on election day could frighten voters away from the polls. The Love "timebomb" (and the July 12 Government Accounting Office report calling the current color coded security alerts "confusing") has prompted Ridge to revise the system.

Instead of colors, the new alerts are based on troubled celebrities. Authorities will signal “Code Courtney” when an incident requires direct intervention. The most serious alert, “Code Cobain” indicates a deadly threat. “Code Whoopi” at the other end of the spectrum, indicates a state of tantrum. “We'll probably signal Code Whoopi if a celebrity gets in too deep, arguing issues they can't possibly understand," said an official. "Whoopi will be the permanent state of alert during the Democratic Convention.”

The Report: Newsweek July 19 -

Michael Isikoff reports the Department of Homeland Security asked the US Justice Department last week to review legal steps to delay the 2004 presidential vote if an attack occurred on or near election day.

The Reality:
It turns out Ridge is reacting to John Kerry. Officials fear his stentorian drone might confuse voters into thinking they've time-warped into the radio days of the 1940s, driving public demands for Tom Dewey haircuts and Carmine Miranda recordings. Amid such confusion, authorities say they would signal Code Courtney, stopping the vote until Ted Nugent could return the nation to reality ... and the security of a personal firearm.

Reacting to the news, Goldberg began running in circles cursing in tongues. Love called 911, demanding another abortion. Ridge called al Qeada screaming for help.


About Us | Site Map | Privacy Policy | Contact Us | ©2005 SCREED ME | website design by royzoellner
white space