President George Bush
From: Your Advisor
Date: 19 December 2006
RE: Defeat the "Defeatists"
Mr. President, first let me thank you for pointing out why Iraq has become such a mess. Because of all those people who keep calling it such a mess.
In your televised national address you called it, when you called them “defeatists.” After all, how can we win the war with people openly talking about how we’re not winning the war. It’s crazy. Some of them go so far as to say the big mistake was invading Iraq in the first place! Hey, thanks for the team-spirit. Really helpful.
What ever happened to the idea of just going along for the ride? You see a mistake. Sure. We all do. But keep quiet. Make an excuse. Cover it up. Otherwise somebody finds out and the jig is up.
That’s what you tried to get across last night. We’re not going to win this thing if these defeatists keep pointing out that we’re not winning this thing. That’s no way to win anything. History proves that.
Why did Vietnam go so wrong? Because defeatists back then said it would. Think. The war made sense. Prop up a corupt local cabal in the south. Sooner or later it would have bought off the enemy. That’s what Vietnamese do. Ask your dry cleaner. But no, the defeatists jumped in, put everyone back in the US of A in a bad mood with bad news about Mi Li and Tet and whatever and fini, as the French would say. Fini.
Well sir, but for the defeatists, Hanoi would have benefited from a little Curtis LeMay and a touch of William Westmoreland. Today it would be like Maui. That’s right. It might have even moved itself to the Caribbean just to teach Fidel Castro a thing or two about how to work with Uncle Sam – do exactly as he says or he’ll kill 3.5 million of you. Mostly from the sky.
Now I know you don’t keep an exact Iraqi death count. That’s defeatist. But Iraqis are getting the picture. What did you say, about 30,000 killed so far, give or take? As we know Mr. President, freedom isn’t free. Why don’t the defeatists see that?
What did these defeatists really think, that U.S. troops arriving in Iraq would be greeted by grateful crowds carrying balloons? Hello.
What will it take to convince these ivory tower types that this is a war. It’s a war to build democracy and to protect freedom. That means shutting up and doing what you’re told.
You made that very clear in your news conference today, patiently explaining that as president “I swore to uphold the law,” forcing you to wiretap telephone conversations without asking the courts. A plan you plan to continue, “for so long as the nation faces the continuing threat of an enemy that wants to kill American citizens.” In other words, forever.
Freedom’s on the march. Keep up the good work.