Thank Wal-Mart

To: Wal-Mart

From: Your Advisor
RE: Give Thanks to the Giver
Date: 28 November 2005

After a tough year of media sniping and accusations that you’re mean to your workers, let me first congratulate you on the record 10 million shoppers who chose to walk through your doors before noon the day after Thanksgiving. Happy people who in many cases lined up before dawn to be among the first to buy what you chose to sell.  On that note, let’s start giving thanks to the giver who makes us so thankful for Thanksgiving – Wal-Mart. Let’s rename the day after Thanksgiving “Wal-Martay.”

Sure. The book readers will snicker from their “libraries” as they study socialist theory like health insurance and other schemes to ruin the great businesses that built our great country. But the real people have spoken - with their hands - grabbing up Wal-Mart’s cut-rates and snubbing the snobs who tried to sell us something else.

How did you win that day? By opening up at 5AM. You knew what the sleepy elites will never understand – that this nation can’t get enough quick enough. Well, Wal-Mart’s early bird sure got its worms – millions of smiling ones torn between which is more fun – more stuff or more debt.

Wal-Mart stock is up almost $10 per share since September when Wal-Whiners cranked to full squeal about Wal-Mart’s weak wages and all manner of related Soviet nostalgia.

Of course the squealies never mention that without crappy wages and leaky health care for workers you lose the rock-bottom prices and the happiness they bring to shoppers. And without rock-bottom prices, your competition might survive - even grow - hire workers from the very Wal-Marts that make shoppers so happy, give those shoppers new choices, spread the wealth, spur competition, and maybe smash Wal-Mart’s monopoly. Like I said – socialism.

Iin the land of the free you’re free to choose, I think a great man once said. To which I now add – If this is what 60 years of peace and prosperity brings: bring me more. Wal-Martay - Here today. Here to stay. Hey hooray.



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